Okay - so I have to face reality - its is here - tomorrow, June 19th 2001, I will be turning 40. Oh my God! I have a very difficult time dealing with that number - don't know why, but I just do. I never imagined that I would still feel young, energetic and alive at such an ancient milestone in years as turning 40.

So, what have I accomplished in this time? Well, that depends on what you call an accomplishment by today's standards. I have been through 2 marriages, have 3 children (2 of which are making me live through teenage hell), have seen the turn of the millennium and still get carded at Hooters.

So - why am I so bumbed? It is just that 40 thing I guess - up until midnight tonight I am still in my 30's - after midnight, I will not be in my 30's. Oh, so what... you say - yeah, well so what. I have never looked my age, and people usually guess me 7 or 8 years younger that I am, but I know the truth and I am experiencing angst at 40.

I know that this is just a phase - a ridiculous phase, and I will get through this and continue, but tonight I will wallow in my tears and a couple of beers and wish myself a Happy Un-Birthday as I dread the approach of tomorrow.